I think i’m done. I’m old and crotchety. Out of shape and tired. Can’t really relate to the younger generation anymore – I’m looked at as old. I am old. I like it.
I don’t like the out of shape and tired part and i’m working on that. I started reading a book by Max Lucado and he starts the book with a picture of what it might be like when Christ returns. What it might be like when the “clouds roll back as a scroll” and He returns. I realized this – I’ve also become old spirtually in a way that Christ warns against.
We are called to become mature christians and move past milk to the meat that is found in scripture and a maturing relationship with Christ. In my maturation process i’m realizing that there is an byproduct in my life and thinking that I’m sure is not from God. It’s a religous seriousness and loss of wonder that I think makes me crotchety in a way that God doesn’t intend.
I’ve lost my sense of wonder at what this world (and specifically technology) has to offer. When I was young I remember how some new toy or game or idea could really cause excitement and awe for quite a while in my mind. That would last for a while and then I would get use to it or bored with it or something else would come along and i’d be in awe of that. A sense of wonder about how awesome it was – for a while.
I’ve realized recently that it’s been quite a while since that has happened. I find myself having muted reactions to anything that, when I was younger, would have created an excited sense of wonder. I thought that was a natural part of maturing – losing that sense of wonder. I realize now that that is not right. I realize now that that sense of wonder, that child like “I can’t believe what i’m seeing – i’m so excited i’m almost giddy” feeling that I see as empty when it comes to things of this world needs to not be stifled when it comes to things of God. I’ve put Him in the same mental box as the finite things of this world. I’ve got things figured out, I know how He generally works. Been there, done that.
I need to become like a child again. I’ve deceived myself into limiting what God can do and it’s an opressive, faith limiting false “maturity” that I need to root out of my thinking. It has turned my thinking about life into black and white and i’m missing a lot of the wonders of the colors and shading that God wants me to see and experience. Its too easy for me to slip into a pious mentality of seriousness about life and what God is doing. Its wrong – He wants me to be like a little child with simple faith and wonder at what He is doing. What he does everyday is wonderful – I just let myself get used to what I see and think about it. I don’t look for or expect wonderful things from Him anymore.
God forgive me for putting you in a box and limiting my vision for the impact you have around me to what I understand. Help me to become like a child and see the wonder in depth that goes so far beyond what I comprehend right now. Don’t let this complacency about you take root in my thinking. I know there is wonder in what you are doing at levels I can’t begin to comprehend. Keep my thoughts of you and my understanding like that of a child – filled with new awe and wonder everyday at what you are doing.
